Living With God & Grief – Lesson 4 – March 8, 2026
Appreciation Moment!
I want you to do something for me. Take a moment and think back to when you started this series. What were you hoping for, or anticipating from this course? Maybe you did not think it through that much; but whenever we start a course like this our minds think “Oh, this sounds good.”
Before we begin today’s lesson, let’s take a moment to recognize what we have learned. Say this to yourself: “I have learned more than I think.”
What you have learned:
- I can define grief: it’s the internal response to loss
(When something meaningful is changed, taken away, or never comes to be) - I can recognize grief in myself
(Through emotional, physical, mental, and behavioral signs) - I know grief does not follow a timeline
(It may surface unexpectedly, even years later) - I know the presence of grief does not mean the absence of God
(“The LORD is nigh unto them that are of a broken heart” – Psalm 34:18) - I know to talk to God honestly about my grief
(“Cast thy burden upon the LORD” – Psalm 55:22) - I know to name my grief, write it down, and bring it to God
(Speaking and writing grief to God helps process it and brings healing) - I know that God’s strength is made perfect in my weakness
(“My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness” – 2 Corinthians 12:9)
Now that we have established we are better equipped to deal with grief than we were three weeks ago, this lesson will take us to the next steps of living with God and grief.
In this lesson, you will learn:
- How grief affects people
- Common mistakes to avoid
- Healthy habits that promote healing
How Grief Affects People
Is there a difference between physical pain and emotional pain?
Think about this: If I accidentally smashed my hand and you witnessed it, I would immediately grab my hand in pain. What instinct do you have as you witness it? Do you cringe? Do you grab your own hand? Does your hand almost hurt? We’ve all experienced physical pain, so we can almost feel someone else’s pain. We respond to it immediately and internally.
But what about emotional pain from grief? Is it normal for us to feel pain associated with grief? How does something non-physical produce physical pain? ________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
Fun Fact:
Scientists at UCLA used brain imaging to study people grieving the loss of loved ones. They discovered that your brain processes emotional pain from grief in the exact same place it processes physical pain. The same brain regions that light up when you burn your hand or injure your body also light up when you experience grief. They are identical.
This is why your grief may cause you chest pain, headaches, body aches, and exhaustion. Your pain is real and physical, even though the source is emotional loss. Your brain doesn’t separate them.
Your grief affects your body, your mind, your emotions, and your relationships. Understanding how your grief affects you helps you recognize what is happening. When you know your grief is causing your exhaustion or trouble concentrating, you can respond appropriately instead of wondering what is wrong with you. ________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
Physical Affects: Why Am I Tired? Why Am I Sick?
Studies show that stress hormones increase during grief, which explains the constant feeling of being on edge or worn down. Research found that the immune system weakens during grief by 30-40%, which is why you get sick more easily while grieving.
Sleep changes. Some people can’t sleep. Others sleep too much. Appetite changes. Some people lose interest in food. Others eat more. Fatigue sets in that rest doesn’t fix. Your body feels heavy or exhausted even after sleeping.
Grief can even trigger a real medical condition called “broken heart syndrome” where the heart is stressed in ways that look like a heart attack. God created us as whole beings. Scripture speaks of “your whole spirit and soul and body” (1 Thessalonians 5:23)—all connected. When one part of you suffers, your whole body is affected. Your grief affects your body, and these physical effects are real and expected.
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Mental and Cognitive Effects
Let’s do a quick exercise. Think of a time when you experienced loss of any type. Did you notice trouble concentrating? Difficulty remembering things you just heard? A feeling like your brain was in a fog? If so, you’re not alone.
Studies published in Neuropsychology found that grief impairs the prefrontal cortex—the part of your brain responsible for concentration, decision-making, and memory. Research documented that people grieving show measurable deficits in working memory and executive function. This is why you forget appointments, lose track of conversations, or struggle to make simple decisions.
Scientists call this “grief fog” or “widow’s fog,” and research shows it can last six months or longer. Your brain is using so much energy processing the loss that less energy is available for everyday thinking tasks. This explains why reading feels harder, why you replay the same thoughts over and over, or why planning ahead feels impossible.
This is normal. This is how God made us. Your brain is processing grief, which takes enormous mental energy. God doesn’t expect you to function at full capacity while grieving. Scripture says, “My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness” (2 Corinthians 12:9). Research shows that cognitive function returns gradually over time. This is not permanent brain damage—this is your brain doing the work of grief. There are practical ways to help your brain through this season, which we’ll cover later in this lesson. ________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
Emotional Effects
Have you ever felt sad one moment, angry the next, and then suddenly felt nothing at all? Grief affects how you experience and manage emotions.
Research published in the American Journal of Psychiatry used brain imaging to study people in grief and found that the amygdala—the part of your brain that regulates emotions—becomes hyperactive during grief. This explains why emotions feel more intense, unpredictable, or harder to control.
You may feel sadness that comes in waves. Anger that seems to come from nowhere. Guilt over things you did or didn’t do. Anxiety about the future. Or numbness—feeling nothing at all when you think you should feel something. Research published in the Journal of Affective Disorders found that difficulty experiencing pleasure (called anhedonia) is common in the first six months of grief.
These emotional responses are normal. This is how God made us. Scripture shows us that God’s people experienced the full range of grief emotions. David felt deep sadness (Psalm 42:5). Job felt anger and confusion (Job 3). The disciples felt fear and anxiety after Jesus’ death. Your brain is processing loss, and emotions are part of that process. Some days emotions feel overwhelming. Other days you feel disconnected from them entirely. Both are normal responses to grief. ________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
Behavioral and Relational Effects
Think of someone you know who went through a loss of some kind. Did they start avoiding people or places? Staying home more? Maybe they seemed distant or harder to reach. Or maybe they stayed constantly busy, never slowing down. These are behavioral responses to grief.
Research published in Death Studies found that 60-70% of people experiencing grief withdraw socially. Some avoid places, people, or situations that remind them of the loss. Others stay constantly busy to avoid feeling the grief. Both are attempts to manage overwhelming emotions.
These behavioral changes affect relationships. Research published in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships documented that grief makes communication more difficult, reduces patience with others, and creates feelings of disconnection even from close relationships. Studies show that relationships often experience strain during grief—some friendships deepen, while others fade.
Scripture shows us this pattern. When David’s son Absalom died, David withdrew and wept, refusing comfort from those around him (2 Samuel 18:33). This was a normal response to overwhelming grief. When someone is grieving, their behavior changes and their relationships feel strained. This is the body and mind trying to cope with overwhelming loss. Recognizing this pattern helps you understand what is happening. ________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
Common Mistakes to Avoid
Now that you understand how grief affects people, you need to know what to avoid.
Mistake 1: Avoiding Grief
You will be tempted to avoid places, people, or situations that remind you of the loss. In the moment, this seems helpful. But avoiding grief increases anxiety, makes intrusive thoughts more frequent, and causes grief to last months or even years longer than it would otherwise. Your brain needs to process the loss. When you avoid it, the unprocessed grief keeps surfacing through physical symptoms, emotional outbursts, and mental fog. Avoidance doesn’t reduce grief—it just delays and intensifies it. ________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
Mistake 2: Pushing Emotions Down
You will be tempted to refuse to cry or show emotion. You tell yourself “I need to be strong” or “I can’t fall apart.” But suppressing emotions damages your immune system, raises your blood pressure, disrupts your sleep, and makes cognitive function worse. Studies show that people who suppress grief experience symptoms for twice as long as those who express it. Pushing grief down doesn’t make it go away—it makes it last longer and damages your body in the process. ________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
Mistake 3: Staying Constantly Busy
You will be tempted to fill every moment with work, projects, or activities to avoid feeling the grief. But your brain processes grief during rest and sleep. When you stay constantly busy, you prevent your brain from doing the necessary work of processing the loss. This extends the duration of grief symptoms and increases physical exhaustion. ________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
Mistake 4: Believing the Lie That Grief Means Weak Faith
You will be tempted to feel guilty about your grief. You may deal with the lie that grief means lack of faith or spiritual weakness. Some Christians think if they had more faith, they would heal faster. Others quote verses about joy and victory while refusing to acknowledge their pain. But this isn’t biblical faith—it’s believing a lie about what faith requires. The Psalms are full of honest grief brought to God. Lamentations is an entire book of grief. Jesus wept openly. Biblical faith doesn’t skip grief—it brings grief honestly to God. Grief and faith can coexist. Believing otherwise only adds shame to an already painful experience. ________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
Healthy Habits That Promote Healing
Now that you know what to avoid, we are ready to learn practical steps to promote healing:
Practice 1: Communicate Grief
Our brains are designed by God to process grief, and the best practices for this are: talking about it, writing about it, and not resisting tears. Talk to God about what you’re feeling. Write it down on paper. Speak it out loud. Don’t hold back tears. This is a proven method that promotes healing with the fewest physical symptoms. God invites us to come to Him with our grief: “Cast thy burden upon the LORD, and he shall sustain thee” (Psalm 55:22). ________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
Practice 2: Maintain Simple Routines
God designed our brains to function better with structure. The more we do on routine, the fewer decisions we have to make, and the more our minds can devote energy to processing our grief. Go to bed and get up on a schedule. Eat on a schedule. Implementing routines give you structure and frees up mental energy. Even if it is temporary, structure your routines to decrease the number of decisions you have to make, so you have more capacity to make decisions only you can make. ________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
Practice 3: Exercise
Physical activity improves how our brains function during grief. Even 20 minutes of walking increases blood flow to the brain, reduces stress hormones, and improves concentration and memory. Walk. Stretch. Garden. Clean the house or wash the car. Exercise in whatever way works for you. Our brains process grief better when we stay physically active. ________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
Practice 4: Give Yourself Grace
When people are grieving, their capacity is reduced. That’s normal. God’s grace is sufficient for our weakness (2 Corinthians 12:9). People dealing with grief need to write things down, ask for help with complex tasks, and accept help from others. Giving yourself grace during grief speeds healing and helps you function better. ________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
Closing
We started this lesson having learned what grief is and where it comes from. Now we understand how grief affects people—physically, mentally, emotionally, and relationally. We know the mistakes to avoid and the practices that promote healing.
Here’s what we can do starting today:
- Communicate our grief.
- Maintain simple routines.
- Exercise.
- Give ourselves grace.
Do you remember the title of this series? Living With God and Grief, and this is what we are learning to do. God remains close to us through every stage of this process.
Our key verse: “The LORD is nigh unto them that are of a broken heart; and saveth such as be of a contrite spirit. Many are the afflictions of the righteous: but the LORD delivereth him out of them all” (Psalm 34:18-19)
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